


Thirsty

by bonzai_bunny



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU
Genre: Buzzfeed, Exactly What It Says on the Tin, Gen, Multimedia, bruce is more uncomfortable than he shows
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-09
Updated: 2020-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:00:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23075929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bonzai_bunny/pseuds/bonzai_bunny
Summary: Bruce Wayne Reads Thirst Tweets
Comments: 11
Kudos: 104





	Thirsty

**Author's Note:**

> I started to binge these videos and decided to make a fic of my ideal video with Bruce.

The camera opened on Bruce Wayne sitting in a charcoal suit, clean-shaven, smiling amicably at the audience. 

“Hi, I’m Bruce Wayne and I'm here to read thirst tweets.”

The BuzzFeed “Thirst Tweets” logo washed across the screen before the view returned to Bruce Wayne and a producer off camera asked,

“Have you read any of your thirst tweets before?”

Bruce laughed. “Yes, _once_ , and I regret it everyday.”

-

“Okay,” Bruce began, as he started to root around in the giant blue cup. “Let’s get something good.”

He picked up a slip of paper and read it as the tweet appeared next to his head:

[ ](https://ibb.co/P5Z3TpM)

“‘The scariest thing about Gotham is that Bruce Wayne is still single.’” Bruce looked up at the camera with a big smile.

“I promise you, I’m single on purpose. There are much scarier things in Gotham, trust me.”

Bruce began to root through the cup again and said, “That wasn’t bad at all. I can handle this.”

He picked up another piece of paper:

[ ](https://ibb.co/9cX82f0)

“‘You’--they put the letter ‘u’ not the word--‘ever lie awake at night thinking about how much you want Bruce Wayne to raw you? That’s me right now.’”

Bruce’s eyebrows rose and he stared at the paper for a little while before laughing and shaking his head.

“Well, I certainly spoke too soon. And thank you for thinking of me, but I wouldn’t raw you. I’m a staunch believer of condoms. Safe sex is great sex! Now, let’s see…” He dug around for another one:

[ ](https://ibb.co/0BYMKr0)

“‘It’s 2020 and I still haven’t got Bruce Wayne up in this bussy,’” Bruce read and his brows furrowed. “What’s a bussy?”

A producer off camera helpfully chimed in: “Well, it’s basically a butthole.”

Bruce blinked at the camera several times before it finally settled in. “ _Oh._ ”

-

“Moving on, let’s see what else we got here.” He reached into the cup and pulled out another slip:

[ ](https://ibb.co/p0GDVsz)

“‘I don’t live in Gotham, but I would wage war with all of its rogues just to suck Bruce Wayne’s dick.’ Uh, well, I’m flattered but don’t do that,” Bruce said with a slight depreciating smile. 

“My dick is _really_ not worth it. Next!”

[ ](https://ibb.co/Bzhmj6b)

“‘I want Bruce Wayne to gut me with his jawline.'" A complicated range of expressions warred over Bruce’s face before he settled on concern.

“I’m...flattered? But I would not gut anyone and you definitely shouldn’t let anyone gut you.”

He reached into the cup, with slightly more trepidation than the previous times.

[ ](https://ibb.co/g4J5kBK)

Bruce squinted at the tweet and read, “‘Bruce Wayne is hot _and_ rich _and_ kind _and_ has a big dick?’--I will neither confirm nor deny that--‘God is real, amen.”

He laughed at the end. “I don’t think that’s an appropriate prayer, but thank you, I appreciate it. Next!”

“‘I want Bruce Wayne to--’” Bruce cut himself off and dragged a hand down his face. This was going to be the tweet that broke him. Under his breath he muttered, “ _Jesus_.” 

Bruce tried again, albeit with a pained look, and read, “‘I want Bruce Wayne to fist me so hard his fingers are in my mouth.’”

There was a long pause and Bruce finally managed to say, charitably, “Well, that is quite some descriptive language there.” 

He put his hand over his mouth, looking away from the camera, and his shoulders started shaking. It was hard to tell whether he was laughing or crying.

“[ _Bleep_ ]-king christ.”

-

“Okay, next one. Let’s hope it’s not as explicit as the last.”

[ ](https://ibb.co/FmwcG6m)

“‘Bruce Wayne’s cheekbones are sharp enough to cut glass, and I want to sit on them.” Bruce laughed good naturedly.

“Well, first of all, thank you,” he said. “That’s very kind. Secondly, please don’t sit on anything sharp. That's an embarrassing ER trip you do _not_ want.”

-

“Alright, last one here. Hopefully the best is last!” He pulled out the last piece of paper with a flourish.

[ ](https://ibb.co/nD9R4xS)

“‘I would let’-- _god_ \--‘I would let Bruce Wayne get cum in my eyes.’”

Bruce stared at the tweet before he unceremoniously dropped it.

“Please,” Bruce said earnestly to the camera, “do not let anyone get cum in your eyes. You could get an infection.”

-

The outro of the video began to play with some jaunty accompanying music.

“Alright so that’s been some thirsty tweets, read by yours truly.” Bruce paused as he tried to think of the words he needed.

“This was an interesting experience. You guys are some real perverts out there and I’m amazed and terrified. Be sure to check out the Wayne Telethon for cancer research on March 15th and I’ll be matching all donations. Bye!”


End file.
